Thoughts, impressions, and observations  drawn from watching a lot of movies.

Rated (R) This film goes to: 8 Directed by: Lawrence Kasdan Starring: William Hurt, Kathleen Turner, Ted Danson Written by: Lawrence Kasdan Produced by: Fred T. Gallo, Robert Grand, George Lucas  113 minutes Warner Bros. 1981

Cliffnotes review: Sunday school with cursing. Rated (R) This film goes to: 6 Directed by: John Singleton Starring: Cuba Gooding Jr., Ice Cube, Laurence Fishburn, Morris Chestnut Written by: John Singleton  107 Minutes Columbia/TriStar 1991

Cliffnotes review: Horror isn't always gory. This film goes to: 10 Rated (R)  Directed by: Tim Robbins Starring: Susan Sarandon, Sean Penn Written by: Helen Prejean (novel), Tim Robbins (screenplay) 122 minutes PolyGram Filmed Entertainment 1995

Cliffnotes review: Rocky with bikinis. This film goes to: 4 Rated (PG-13) Directed by: John Stockwell Starring: Kate Bosworth, Michelle Rodriguez, Matthew Davis, Sanoe Lake, Mika Boorem Written by: Susan Orlean, Lizzy Weiss  Paramount Pictures 2002 Official site

Cliffnotes review: Misunderstood and VASTLY underrated. This film goes to: 11 Rated (R) Directed by: Danny De Vito Starring: Edward Norton, Robin Williams, Catherine Keener, Danny DeVito, Jon Stewart Written by: Adam Resnick 101 minutes Warner Bros. 2002 Official Site

Cliffnotes review: Perhaps the worst documentary ever made. This film goes to: 1 or 11 Rated (R) Directed by: Nick Broomfield Starring: Nick Broomfield, Kurt Cobain, Courtney Love, El Duce, Tom Grant Written by: Nick Broomfield Produced by: Nick Broomfield  95 minutes Strength, Ltd. 1998

Would someone please let me know when a decent film is made from a video game? Seriously, I want to be informed. Yet another "Blockbuster" from the summer of suck, "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" dishes up all style and no substance in a special effects laden romp that seems to invest more importance in scenery than storytelling. One convoluted scenario after another is loosely tied together with a tedious back-story of Lara Croft's (large-breastedly played by Angelina Jolie) missing-and-presumed-dead father (wax-figuredly portrayed by Jolie's real father, John Voight). The bad guys are predictably bad and the invincibility of Croft creates little that could be construed as suspense or apt storytelling. Every action sequence (and trust me, there are plenty) is chock full of traps and creatures that are systematically overcome by the acrobatic Croft. When any real danger rears its ugly head, the source is quickly overcome without tremendous effort or much in the way of anything that creates a sense of worry. The "story" works as an Indiana Jones rip-off with the aligning of the planets causing great concern for a shadowy group of individuals who wish to reunite the pieces of an ancient relic in order to gain power over time. In a dream, Lara is told of a key that must be used to unlock the pieces of the puzzle and is then given clues to the whereabouts of the first of the pieces itself. Bad guys (headed by evil-lawyer Iain Glen and ethically-compromised rival archaeologist Daniel Craig) try to beat Croft to the prize in order to rule the world and, well… you get the point. On the plus side, the larger-than-life sets are artfully crafted and some of the special effects are handled with skill (others fall far short of the mark). And, then again, there is always the eye-candy appeal of Jolie and her, uh, "assets" but if you are seriously interested in seeing more of Ms. Jolie, rent "Gia" or wait for the inevitable theft of her and Billy Bob Thorton's candid sex tape.

Cliffnotes review: Legally bland. This film goes to: 4 Rated (PG-13) Directed by: Robert Luketic Starring: Reese Witherspoon, Luke Wilson, Matthew Davis, Selma Blair, Ali Larter Written by: Amanda Brown, Karen McCullah Lutz  96 minutes Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer 2001

Rated (R) This film goes to: 8 Directed by: Lawrence Kasdan Starring: William Hurt, Kathleen Turner, Ted Danson Written by: Lawrence Kasdan Produced by: Fred T. Gallo, Robert Grand, George Lucas  113 minutes Warner Bros. 1981

Cliffnotes review: Sunday school with cursing. Rated (R) This film goes to: 6 Directed by: John Singleton Starring: Cuba Gooding Jr., Ice Cube, Laurence Fishburn, Morris Chestnut Written by: John Singleton  107 Minutes Columbia/TriStar 1991

Cliffnotes review: Horror isn't always gory. This film goes to: 10 Rated (R)  Directed by: Tim Robbins Starring: Susan Sarandon, Sean Penn Written by: Helen Prejean (novel), Tim Robbins (screenplay) 122 minutes PolyGram Filmed Entertainment 1995

Cliffnotes review: Rocky with bikinis. This film goes to: 4 Rated (PG-13) Directed by: John Stockwell Starring: Kate Bosworth, Michelle Rodriguez, Matthew Davis, Sanoe Lake, Mika Boorem Written by: Susan Orlean, Lizzy Weiss  Paramount Pictures 2002 Official site

Cliffnotes review: Misunderstood and VASTLY underrated. This film goes to: 11 Rated (R) Directed by: Danny De Vito Starring: Edward Norton, Robin Williams, Catherine Keener, Danny DeVito, Jon Stewart Written by: Adam Resnick 101 minutes Warner Bros. 2002 Official Site

Cliffnotes review: Perhaps the worst documentary ever made. This film goes to: 1 or 11 Rated (R) Directed by: Nick Broomfield Starring: Nick Broomfield, Kurt Cobain, Courtney Love, El Duce, Tom Grant Written by: Nick Broomfield Produced by: Nick Broomfield  95 minutes Strength, Ltd. 1998

Would someone please let me know when a decent film is made from a video game? Seriously, I want to be informed. Yet another "Blockbuster" from the summer of suck, "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" dishes up all style and no substance in a special effects laden romp that seems to invest more importance in scenery than storytelling. One convoluted scenario after another is loosely tied together with a tedious back-story of Lara Croft's (large-breastedly played by Angelina Jolie) missing-and-presumed-dead father (wax-figuredly portrayed by Jolie's real father, John Voight). The bad guys are predictably bad and the invincibility of Croft creates little that could be construed as suspense or apt storytelling. Every action sequence (and trust me, there are plenty) is chock full of traps and creatures that are systematically overcome by the acrobatic Croft. When any real danger rears its ugly head, the source is quickly overcome without tremendous effort or much in the way of anything that creates a sense of worry. The "story" works as an Indiana Jones rip-off with the aligning of the planets causing great concern for a shadowy group of individuals who wish to reunite the pieces of an ancient relic in order to gain power over time. In a dream, Lara is told of a key that must be used to unlock the pieces of the puzzle and is then given clues to the whereabouts of the first of the pieces itself. Bad guys (headed by evil-lawyer Iain Glen and ethically-compromised rival archaeologist Daniel Craig) try to beat Croft to the prize in order to rule the world and, well… you get the point. On the plus side, the larger-than-life sets are artfully crafted and some of the special effects are handled with skill (others fall far short of the mark). And, then again, there is always the eye-candy appeal of Jolie and her, uh, "assets" but if you are seriously interested in seeing more of Ms. Jolie, rent "Gia" or wait for the inevitable theft of her and Billy Bob Thorton's candid sex tape.

Cliffnotes review: Legally bland. This film goes to: 4 Rated (PG-13) Directed by: Robert Luketic Starring: Reese Witherspoon, Luke Wilson, Matthew Davis, Selma Blair, Ali Larter Written by: Amanda Brown, Karen McCullah Lutz  96 minutes Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer 2001

Cliffnotes review: Give your mom a hug. This film goes to: 8 Rated (PG-13)  Directed by: John Frankenheimer Starring: Frank Sinatra, Lawrence Harvey, Janet Leigh, Angela Lansbury, James Gregory Written by: George Axelrod (screenplay), Richard Condon (novel) 126 minutes United Artists 1962